Posts Tagged ‘care’

Love yourself by saying NO!

Have you ever found yourself saying yes to something you don’t really want to do? Then spending the whole time hating it and wishing you’d said no because you have so many other enjoyable things you could be doing instead? I bet we all have.

Why do we say yes to things we really want to say no? It comes down to that being a ‘good person’ thing that is quite the ideal to live by now. We don’t like letting people down, we want to do the right thing by our friends or family. Be available 24/7 to help out when needed. This must make you a good person right? What defines being a good person though? Who is actually setting this standard? I’ll tell you. You are.

You are in control you’re your life. No one else is, you are the one in the driving seat.  No one else can suddenly jump into you’re body, kick out your soul and start making all the decisions for you. Why do we have such a hard time saying no then? We clearly not in control are we?

Let me share my story, I am a reformed yes person. I like to please people, I am here to serve and assist others. It makes me tick. I am happy to help. I am still all the above but now I have boundaries. I always used to say yes to everything just to make other people happy and be ‘a good person.’ However I was saying yes to things I didn’t want to do or didn’t have the time for. Over giving and over stretching myself.  I ended up resenting the people because I felt they were being so demanding. They didn’t know they were putting on me because I just kept saying yes. Isn’t that an indication I was happy to help or else I’d say no right? It caused me stress and anxiety. Then I hated myself for bringing it all on.

Funnily enough my observations revealed more to me. The friends who were constantly calling on me were also the one’s always telling me how busy I am, “I can’t believe how you fit everything in, how do you do it? You’re super women.” If they noticed how busy I am why were they demanding I take on even more from them? That’s simple, I didn’t say no or stand up for myself.

Then why didn’t I stop? I didn’t realise I was doing it. It was a repetitive cycle of saying yes. I was so far in I couldn’t see the wood for the trees. I was constantly dropping everything I was doing, all the things I wanted to do, to meet the demands of others. Some were unpaid jobs for things that I should have been charging for. Somewhere deep inside it did feel good that people would call on me if they were in a fix. I love helping, it made me feel wanted and in demand. I felt that I must be really good at what I do if people are calling on me like this at a drop of a hat. I’d fallen in the trap of wanting approval from others. The only approval I need is from myself. Self love people!

Once my wake up call came it really opened my eyes.  I was hurting myself so much by being that ‘yes person.’ I needed to love myself enough to say no and spend my precious time doing what I love the most. When love is not the centre point of everything you do then you’re not being authentic to yourself.  You will feel unbalanced and life won’t flow. Who wants to live like that?

My biggest realisation was indeed people do value my talent, they like me enough to want to spend time with me and that’s why they ask me to help them out or go places with them. What I didn’t figure at first was if I said no to being ‘on demand’ then these people valued me enough to wait till I had time or respected my choice that I didn’t want to accept their kind invite. Those who didn’t want to wait or got grumpy I wouldn’t go out with them I should wave goodbye too. They’ll always find someone else to help them out who has the time so you don’t have to feel bad. No one should have the right to make demands of you and make you feel guilty.

Setting boundaries and realistic time scales really helped me. Once I learned to do this then I was happy again to help out as it was on my terms. Now I dose myself up with self-love and honour my needs it makes me a stronger person for those around me. It’s not my job to make others happy they have to do that for themselves, just like I’m doing for myself. It’s okay to say no, you might struggle at first but give it a go you’ll feel so much lighter and brighter for it.

Love Seren xx

Energy Vampires

This post has nothing to do with brooding teenagers and their undead pointy-toothed ‘vegetarian’ lovers. No blood will be sucked either, just energy!

I started using the term “Energy Vampire” after it came into my awareness that some people I know literally suck the life out of me. Bleed me dry of energy. They leave me feeling exhausted, depleted and hung over even though no alcohol had been consumed. I’d wake up the morning after feeling like I’d been run over by a truck. Ever had that feeling after a meet up with certain friends? I’m sure we all have them in our circle.

Please don’t get me wrong I use the term Energy Vampire with the kindest of endearment. My energy hungry friends are lovely that is why they are my friends. It is natural for me to attract people who need rescuing. I like rescuing people and looking after them. Get them out of the holes there’re in and back on track. It’s part of who I am. I’m here to help, to heal & to give. I am happy too but now on my terms.

On my current path of cleaner living I’ve found my intuition has been enhanced, my non-physical senses are sharper and my light is brighter. Before I became aware of this amazing knock on effect I’d created I’d get sucked into other people’s chaos and in turn come away just as depleted as them. My Energy Vampires always have something wrong with them, you might have a cold but this friend has flu, a sore throat and pneumonia! Get the idea? There’s always a drama going on bigger & better than anyone else’s. That’s cool, that’s life. They need to down load, get advise and reassurance that everything will be ok. They want to talk, a lot, without coming up for air or letting anyone else have a breath. My mistake used to be I’d give them that reassurance & support by personalizing. That’s how my energy was lost.

We’ve all done it. If someone is telling a story and looking for some advice the easiest thing to do is say ‘yes me too, that happened to me!’ Instantly you feel like you’re supporting them as you’ve been through the same thing. You feel you can give honest advice because you have felt their pain yourself. There it is. The moment you personalize you do feel their pain, you take it right off them and into you. That’s why you feel so hungover the next day as you are now carrying that friends pain yourself.

Energy transfers happen that easily. As soon as you say ‘me too’ an invisible cord (an etheric cord) with a big fat fishing hook on the end shoots out of your friend and attaches right inside of you. Hooks in. Just like an electric cable this cord allows your friend to suck your precious energy from you, filling up their tank with you kind, loving and happy energy. It’s a two way street of course, when we give we also receive. In this situation the giver gets a bum deal as you receive back their pain and misery. These cords stay attached too, they can tap in at anytime even when you’re not together, especially when they are thinking about you and vise versa.

How do you stop these cords from getting attached & your energy sucked? Simple. Listen and do not personlise. You can give a lot of support without even saying a word by listening. If they ask you ‘what do you think?’ turn it back around to them, ‘what do you think you should do?’ Get them to try and figure it out for themselves. Yes they have come to you for advice the best advice you can give is to get them to figure it out for themselves. They will feel so liberated knowing they had the power to sort themselves out rather than just be told what to do by you. We are all different anyway, what you might work for you might not work some someone else. We all have this power of knowing inside of us we just need to access it & trust it. It’s so easy to be influenced by other people’s thoughts and actions. This is not being authentic to our true selves.

Really start to notice how you feel when you stop personalizing. Do you feel lighter? Less oppressed? It takes practice; it is hard I fall off the wagon too from time to time. The words ‘me too’ fly out too very at times. It doesn’t have to. If you are listening, being still within yourself it becomes easy to stay neutral. No cords will attach, no social hangovers will occur. If you feel a cord has attached, cut it. Imagine a big pair of scissors and snip it away. Send it into the universe to be taken care of.

Give it a go this week. You will be a much stronger, supportive friend and keep hold of your precious energy. Lead from your heart and send out loving, supporting thoughts to your friends and everyone will reap the rewards.

Love & light,

Seren xx

Seren Energy Vampires

 

 

 

 

 

 

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