Having my own personal solitude time is important to me. This doesn’t always mean locking myself away in my house to hide away from the outside world. (Even though I do hibernate occasionally) Solitude can mean being around others whilst still being in my own space within. In other words having a deep & consistent heart connection, a waking, moving state of meditation.
This week I’m going through one of these stages. I don’t want to be locked away indoors. I wish to be outdoors in nature. Right now I am at the beach, overlooking the sea. It’s breezy, warm and the waves are rolling. There are people milling around but I do not wish to connect directly. I’m actually sat in my car with the windows down. People passing by probably think I’m weird on a lovely day like this, sat in my car tapping away on a laptop.
I’m really not bothered what they think. I can smell, see & hear the ocean. I’m enjoying observing & being at a distance. Happy there are people around me but not too close. That is all I need right now. My car is protecting me from the sun & the fresh bite in the wind. It is my sanctuary. I don’t have to make pleasantries as I choose my solidarity. I am content, happy & creating.
Yesterday was more of a challenge. I chose to have what I’d like to call social solitude. I wished to be in my own space but have others around to share energy with & interact. Practicing yoga was the perfect place to practice this. I taught a class at one studio then decided to take myself to a totally different one to practice later on. My choice was calculated, as I knew the desk would be well staffed so I wouldn’t be tempted to help out, there isn’t anywhere to sit & chat so I would have no choice to go in the room early.
Of course there were people to chat too. I was happy to engage in a few light conversations as planned. However I was there for some healing yoga so headed into the room early as planned for my alone time. Sadly my alone time solitude was interrupted.
I lay in savasana eyes closed emptying my mind when I heard some whispering. Ignoring it I carried on. Then I felt a tap on my shoulder. A student I knew well wanted to inquire why I wasn’t on the front row. (I was set up in the third row.) I just shrugged it off to which I was told ‘I think you should be up front.’ Not in a nasty way but still out loud.
If I wasn’t such in a deep Soul state I probably would have had a head lead response right then & there. (despite no talking in the yoga room) Something along the lines of “I’ve been throwing up all weekend, I have an injury & my dog just died. I do not want to be anywhere near the front as I may well have a melt down!” The student was not to know this is the reason I really needed my yoga that day & just wanted to quietly hang out near the back. It was a struggle to even get there as I very nearly went straight home after teaching. Just like what I wrote about in this post, you never know what is going on with people & teachers are not super human.
It did start my mind wandering. Maybe I should have gone to a studio I don’t teach at to be truly anonymous. From time to time I do that & it’s great. I’m just another student in the room, no one knows me apart from the teacher. That would have meant more travel time & expense. Even though I wanted some me time as I said above I was happy with some social solitude, being near people I know. I needed to ‘just be’, in the presence of my support system without being too involved.
Surprisingly I got through the class fairly easily, apart from my injury was feeling tight. It shocked me as I swear I was not hydrated enough. My intention for the class was to heal, release & give gratitude to the joys in my life. I felt well supported & my colleague taught me a dream class just what I needed.
Sharing a yoga classes energy was the perfect compliment to my somber mood. It did the trick. Despite a the minor hiccup of some resistance that actually just helped remind me why I was there & what I needed that day.
Love it! K xx
